My life since May has been crazy. Sometimes when I think about it, the only way to describe it is that everything around me has basically been turned upside down. Between Players, and moving back home, and starting a difficult grad school program at a very liberal institution, and trying to teach… my life has gone in some directions I had never imagined, and it’s NOT how I pictured it a year ago. It's been a little difficult – and not always in ways that I can articulate or even understand – and it’s changed me in some ways. Actually I think it's changed me in a lot of ways, in some very good ways, and also in a few bad ways.
I'm in a stage of re-figuring out who the heck I am, and just being okay with me, and being okay alone. Over the past four years, and especially the past few months, I’ve become a lot more dependent on other people, and I’m no longer okay by myself. I used to be completely independent, and I’ve lost a lot of that.
It was really easy, when my life and my settings were constant for four years, to assume that who I was, was who I’d always be. And then everything around me changed, and I realized that I needed to change in some ways too, and I realized that I had already changed in some ways I didn’t like. The core of who I am didn’t change, but certain things—little things that I enjoy or dislike, the way in which I react to certain situations, things that I used to want but don’t anymore, or things that I never wanted but now do—those things have shifted. And I’m adapting to them.
